Well, now that I am "officially" done with all IVF treatments it is time to move on. I had a few rough moments last week when I got my results, but overall I think I felt relief. There will be no more "what ifs" when we are thinking about our future. We can plan and talk about doing things without thinking about treatments or if I would be pregnant. I'm ready to have a huge garage sale and pass on Owen's baby stuff to others....Tony said maybe I should wait a little bit in case I'm not as ready as I say I am. Anyways, it would be later in the summer because I'm taking two grad classes this summer plus working our Summer School program...so we'll see how I feel at the end of the summer....I think I'll still be ready though..... I have a friend who is pregnant, so I offered her my maternity clothes...I will be sad to see those go (Tony said he wouldn't mind those being gone!!) because I had really hoped to experience a pregnancy again, but it will be nice to pass them on to someone else who needs them.
I was talking with a friend (who also went through IVF and just recently found out that she will only be having one baby) and she said that she was doing fine until she saw someone post pictures of a 2nd baby on FB. She said she had been fine and then all of a sudden it hit her. I'm sure I will have my moments over time, but I don't want Owen to ever think that I am not happy with just having him. He is someone that at one point I wasn't sure would ever come into my life and when he did I was SO happy. He is our everything now and we can move forward with our family, which we are so ready to do!
And thank you to everyone for your kind thoughts about the negative....it was very nice to know I had so many people thinking about me.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Final Cycle: Results
Well, Owen will not be a big brother....results were negative. Not sure what else to say, other than it sucks......
Monday, May 21, 2012
Final Cycle: Thoughts
Hope can be a good thing or a bad thing when it comes to IVF. I've been through it enough times that I can see it from both perspectives. It's good because one should never give up hope....we should always hope for what we want most in the world. Hope is bad because if it doesn't work out....then you are putting yourself out there for disappointment.....I'm a little worried because I actually have a little hope that this cycle could have worked....we actually had 2 grade 2 embryos to put back in this time, which is better than our last cycle. I'm worried that if it doesn't work out, I will have a harder time getting over it....one because I had hope that it may have worked and two because it is our last time no matter what. I guess I just assumed that since we figured out the right combo once that it would automatically work again and Owen would get to be a big brother....but I was wrong with that assumption. Now here I sit on the eve of my second beta (took my first one on Friday last week) with a little bit of hope and a lot of worry about the outcome. I'll say it again though....I will be perfectly ok with just Owen...he is everything I/we ever could have hoped for originally. I won't deny that it would be nice to have another baby and get to experience it all over again, but I will be ok if I don't.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Diet and Exercise
This is a guilt post....because I have not been good at either thing lately.
Exercise: Around the time I got pregnant with Owen, Tony found CrossFit. He has always been into working out and he is always wanting to try new and innovative things. CrossFit is a little hard to explain, but basically a guy combined a whole bunch of workout techniques: plyometrics, Olympic weightlifting, gymnastics to just name a few. A lot of the workout of the days (WOD) are time-based and they are short because you try to finish it quickly. Others are strength based and you try to break your last personal record (PR). I really feel like I am doing a poor job of explaining it, so check out the link CrossFit. There have also been several CrossFit gyms opened up in the past year or so in the area as well. So, Tony started out doing a few of the WODs at home or when he went to the gym, but with having a new baby he didn't want to be gone from the house a lot. So we made an executive decision for him to cancel his gym membership and spend that money instead on some things for our home gym....we had a few things, but it was sparse. I thought he was crazy when I saw him do a few of the WOD's, but after having Owen I decided that I needed to be better about working out, so I started doing CrossFit as well. We put it into our daily routine...went downstairs after we got home from work...and it has stuck really well. Owen has been going with us since he was just a little baby in his bouncy seat, and it was important to us to instill good habits in him. We want him to see us working out and know that it is good for you:) We have also gotten into running...Tony more than I...but I do openly admit that I like it and the way it makes me feel. We each usually run 2-3 miles a few times a week on avg.
Well...being in cycle I am not allowed to exercise once I start my stimulating medicine up until the point I find out if I'm pregnant. This is several weeks of time....I try to tell myself that I will walk or do something light, but since I'm used to working out hard, it is difficult to for me to do. I've tried to take the dog for a walk a few times, but I really need to be better about it!
Diet: One of the things about CrossFit is eating REALLY healthy. People who do it "for real" either eat the Zone Diet or the Paleo Diet. Tony has tried both of these things in the past, but I have a harder time giving up my carbs and dairy products. So since I didn't do it with him, he had a hard time keeping to it. I begrudged him his nightly dinner recipes....a few I would have rather not had....but after a while he just kind of gave up on it. Well, I had a friend (shout out to E.P.!!) who decided to try the Paleo Diet with her boyfriend for a whole month. She blogged about her results and I was impressed. I mentioned to Tony one night that I might be willing to try it....and he was all over it! Basically the Paleo Diet is called the "caveman" diet. You don't eat anything that the cavemen didn't have. No dairy, no carbs, no processed foods....this would mean a huge overhaul for me! We decided to try it in March...let me tell you, the first couple of weeks sucked!! We actually got angry one night when we went out to eat with Tony's mom because we couldn't have the food we wanted! We laughed about it afterwards, but in the moment it really stunk!! It takes a lot of planning in advance as well....and it's not cheap! Why is eating healthy so expensive by the way?!?! Anyways, after a few weeks we really started to notice a difference. We decided to try and stick with it as best we could from that point one. We had also decided to give ourselves 1-2 cheat meals a week as well, which helped with the stress of everything as well.
Lately though....I have been terrible about cheating....I have not been able to walk past the candy bowl at work and I feel like I am craving bad things! Tony said he has been having a hard time too....so at least it's both of us!:) I think since I can't workout, I just figure what the heck-lets eat like crap too! We are both trying to be better this week....hopefully we can get back on track....and I won't feel the need to write another guilt post:)
Exercise: Around the time I got pregnant with Owen, Tony found CrossFit. He has always been into working out and he is always wanting to try new and innovative things. CrossFit is a little hard to explain, but basically a guy combined a whole bunch of workout techniques: plyometrics, Olympic weightlifting, gymnastics to just name a few. A lot of the workout of the days (WOD) are time-based and they are short because you try to finish it quickly. Others are strength based and you try to break your last personal record (PR). I really feel like I am doing a poor job of explaining it, so check out the link CrossFit. There have also been several CrossFit gyms opened up in the past year or so in the area as well. So, Tony started out doing a few of the WODs at home or when he went to the gym, but with having a new baby he didn't want to be gone from the house a lot. So we made an executive decision for him to cancel his gym membership and spend that money instead on some things for our home gym....we had a few things, but it was sparse. I thought he was crazy when I saw him do a few of the WOD's, but after having Owen I decided that I needed to be better about working out, so I started doing CrossFit as well. We put it into our daily routine...went downstairs after we got home from work...and it has stuck really well. Owen has been going with us since he was just a little baby in his bouncy seat, and it was important to us to instill good habits in him. We want him to see us working out and know that it is good for you:) We have also gotten into running...Tony more than I...but I do openly admit that I like it and the way it makes me feel. We each usually run 2-3 miles a few times a week on avg.
Well...being in cycle I am not allowed to exercise once I start my stimulating medicine up until the point I find out if I'm pregnant. This is several weeks of time....I try to tell myself that I will walk or do something light, but since I'm used to working out hard, it is difficult to for me to do. I've tried to take the dog for a walk a few times, but I really need to be better about it!
Diet: One of the things about CrossFit is eating REALLY healthy. People who do it "for real" either eat the Zone Diet or the Paleo Diet. Tony has tried both of these things in the past, but I have a harder time giving up my carbs and dairy products. So since I didn't do it with him, he had a hard time keeping to it. I begrudged him his nightly dinner recipes....a few I would have rather not had....but after a while he just kind of gave up on it. Well, I had a friend (shout out to E.P.!!) who decided to try the Paleo Diet with her boyfriend for a whole month. She blogged about her results and I was impressed. I mentioned to Tony one night that I might be willing to try it....and he was all over it! Basically the Paleo Diet is called the "caveman" diet. You don't eat anything that the cavemen didn't have. No dairy, no carbs, no processed foods....this would mean a huge overhaul for me! We decided to try it in March...let me tell you, the first couple of weeks sucked!! We actually got angry one night when we went out to eat with Tony's mom because we couldn't have the food we wanted! We laughed about it afterwards, but in the moment it really stunk!! It takes a lot of planning in advance as well....and it's not cheap! Why is eating healthy so expensive by the way?!?! Anyways, after a few weeks we really started to notice a difference. We decided to try and stick with it as best we could from that point one. We had also decided to give ourselves 1-2 cheat meals a week as well, which helped with the stress of everything as well.
Lately though....I have been terrible about cheating....I have not been able to walk past the candy bowl at work and I feel like I am craving bad things! Tony said he has been having a hard time too....so at least it's both of us!:) I think since I can't workout, I just figure what the heck-lets eat like crap too! We are both trying to be better this week....hopefully we can get back on track....and I won't feel the need to write another guilt post:)
Friday, May 11, 2012
Kidney Update
A couple of weeks ago Owen had his 6-month check up with the pediatric urologist. This meant an ultrasound first at the hospital and then over to the Dr.'s office afterwards to review the results.
Owen did amazingly well during the ultrasound. The lady was really nice, but she was SLOW!!! My mom and I packed a few suckers to hopefully make it through the test....but Owen has discovered biting suckers instead of sucking on them:) Needless to say we went through a few larger suckers while we waited for this lady to finish. He laid really well, and at one point asked if he was getting his belly cracked! (that is in reference to going to chiropractor appointments with both Gramma and Daddy). We assured him that he was not and we tried to interest him in looking at the blurry pictures on the screen as he "crunched" his suckers....when she finally finished we headed over to the office.
Unfortunately, the results of the test were not stellar. The good news: Both kidneys are growing well and the right kidney only has a bit of fluid on it, but she is not worried about it. The bad news: The left kidney has gotten worse since 6-months ago. She didn't necessarily say "what" was worse about it, but she wasn't happy with how it looked. She wants to do another renal scan....it wasn't dire and needed right away, but by this summer. I asked her if the results of the renal scan came back bad what that would mean....and her answer was surgery before the end of the year! She thought that if surgery was needed that he would be a candidate for having it done laparoscopic, so that was a plus....but I don't really want him to need surgery! We got the renal scan scheduled for June 1st-they only do them in the afternoon so Tony will be taking a 1/2 day off to come with me. This was not a fun experience the last time he had one done, so I can only hope that it is better this time....We won't see the Dr until almost a week later on June 7th to find out the results. We are hoping and praying for good results that mean no surgery!
I also asked if his UPJ could do anything to hinder potty training....her answer was no....so I guess that just means that I have no excuses:) We are still wearing pull-ups and he still is just not telling us when he has to go, but will go when we take him. When school is out in a few weeks, we will hit it hard again:)
Owen did amazingly well during the ultrasound. The lady was really nice, but she was SLOW!!! My mom and I packed a few suckers to hopefully make it through the test....but Owen has discovered biting suckers instead of sucking on them:) Needless to say we went through a few larger suckers while we waited for this lady to finish. He laid really well, and at one point asked if he was getting his belly cracked! (that is in reference to going to chiropractor appointments with both Gramma and Daddy). We assured him that he was not and we tried to interest him in looking at the blurry pictures on the screen as he "crunched" his suckers....when she finally finished we headed over to the office.
Unfortunately, the results of the test were not stellar. The good news: Both kidneys are growing well and the right kidney only has a bit of fluid on it, but she is not worried about it. The bad news: The left kidney has gotten worse since 6-months ago. She didn't necessarily say "what" was worse about it, but she wasn't happy with how it looked. She wants to do another renal scan....it wasn't dire and needed right away, but by this summer. I asked her if the results of the renal scan came back bad what that would mean....and her answer was surgery before the end of the year! She thought that if surgery was needed that he would be a candidate for having it done laparoscopic, so that was a plus....but I don't really want him to need surgery! We got the renal scan scheduled for June 1st-they only do them in the afternoon so Tony will be taking a 1/2 day off to come with me. This was not a fun experience the last time he had one done, so I can only hope that it is better this time....We won't see the Dr until almost a week later on June 7th to find out the results. We are hoping and praying for good results that mean no surgery!
I also asked if his UPJ could do anything to hinder potty training....her answer was no....so I guess that just means that I have no excuses:) We are still wearing pull-ups and he still is just not telling us when he has to go, but will go when we take him. When school is out in a few weeks, we will hit it hard again:)
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Final Cycle: Transfer
My Embryo Transfer was today at 1:00. Tony took a 1/2 day off and was able to come with me....I much appreciated this as it was a little weird with him not being at our last one in December due to his new job. (although my mom did a stellar job as a stand in!) When we got there they gave me my valium and then the embryologist came in and reviewed our cycle with us. She said of the 6 that were mature, 4 fertilized normally (which we already knew) and of those 4 only 2 were left. We had 2 that "arrested" on day 2 and stopped growing. Of the two that were left, both were grade 2's and one had 8 cells and one had 10 cells. She said they they expect them to be between 7-10 cells on day 3...so that was good. So, we transferred both of them:)
Again, the worst part of the whole thing was the pushing of the ultrasound on my very full bladder. I joked that I hoped that I didn't pee on anyone:) Luckily it all went smoothly and quickly. I remembered that someone had given me some meditation music for post transfer, so I remembered to bring my iPod so that I could listen to it during the 30 mins after transfer that I have to lay and wait. I joked with Tony that I'm not very good at meditation....just can't ever turn my mind off all the way....but I sure tried today:)
After transfer, we headed home so that I could start my bedrest. Officially I should be on modified bedrest (basically being a couch potato and only getting up to use the restroom and eat) for 24 hours. My mom is keeping Owen for us tonight and tomorrow night, so I'll get a little more close to 36 hours before heading back to work on Thursday-thanks again Mom! I also have a 10lb lifting restriction...which will not be fun with a little boy who wants his momma to do everything:(
My blood tests are 5/18 and 5/22-the dreaded Friday/Tuesday betas again!
So again we wait.....:)
Again, the worst part of the whole thing was the pushing of the ultrasound on my very full bladder. I joked that I hoped that I didn't pee on anyone:) Luckily it all went smoothly and quickly. I remembered that someone had given me some meditation music for post transfer, so I remembered to bring my iPod so that I could listen to it during the 30 mins after transfer that I have to lay and wait. I joked with Tony that I'm not very good at meditation....just can't ever turn my mind off all the way....but I sure tried today:)
After transfer, we headed home so that I could start my bedrest. Officially I should be on modified bedrest (basically being a couch potato and only getting up to use the restroom and eat) for 24 hours. My mom is keeping Owen for us tonight and tomorrow night, so I'll get a little more close to 36 hours before heading back to work on Thursday-thanks again Mom! I also have a 10lb lifting restriction...which will not be fun with a little boy who wants his momma to do everything:(
My blood tests are 5/18 and 5/22-the dreaded Friday/Tuesday betas again!
So again we wait.....:)
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Final Cycle: Fertilization Report
One of the nurses from the clinic called this morning with my fertilization report: Out of the 11, 6 were mature and 4 fertilized. This is about normal for us from past cycles. Our transfer is set for Tuesday at 1:00. Until then we wait and wonder.....
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Final Cycle: Egg Retrieval
Well, I am home and now awake from my 2 1/2 hour nap after egg retrieval. Everything went well and they got 11 eggs....just like the paper said:) Like I mentioned, I don't expect them all to be mature and all to fertilize so it will be interesting to see what we are left with. I'm feeling ok....very bloated and a little crampy. No side-effects from the anesthesia except for being sleepy:)
Another big shout out to my mom and dad (aka Gramma and Grampa) for helping out today. Grampa took Owen for the morning while my mom took me for the procedure. The boys went to Menards-one of his favorite places to look for "forktrucks" and then to the park before heading back to their house for lunch and a nap. They offered to keep him tonight so that I could be fully recovered before he came back home tomorrow, which is much appreciated since he is back in his "only mommy can do things" phase.
Another big shout out to my mom and dad (aka Gramma and Grampa) for helping out today. Grampa took Owen for the morning while my mom took me for the procedure. The boys went to Menards-one of his favorite places to look for "forktrucks" and then to the park before heading back to their house for lunch and a nap. They offered to keep him tonight so that I could be fully recovered before he came back home tomorrow, which is much appreciated since he is back in his "only mommy can do things" phase.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Final Cycle: Time for Trigger!!
So, at my appt today the doctor decided that it was time for my HCG trigger shot.....which means that egg retrieval is on Saturday. We figured this much, so when talking to my coordinator I mentioned that Tony was in a golf outing....but I wasn't thinking that much would come of it.....golf outings are kind of small in comparison to making babies:) They called me later this afternoon with my trigger time and retrieval time...drum roll......I have to trigger at 1:30 AM...which means that retrieval is at 12:00 on Saturday. Couldn't really be a worse time for Tony:(.....he is going to go and golf as many holes as he can, then come to the office at 11:15 (my arrival time), break donation time records-his words, not mine-and then head back to the golf course:) Owen will stay with Grampa and then Gramma will come with me to be my driver:)
As far as my appt overall....my lining is still good (don't remember the number!!) and my follicles are still growing good. I have 11 total, but that is because a few smaller ones have popped up. I don't expect them to be much of anything at retrieval though, so still counting on about 7-8 good sized ones. I guess only time will tell:)
As far as my appt overall....my lining is still good (don't remember the number!!) and my follicles are still growing good. I have 11 total, but that is because a few smaller ones have popped up. I don't expect them to be much of anything at retrieval though, so still counting on about 7-8 good sized ones. I guess only time will tell:)
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Final Cycle: Going Rogue and CD11
So today was my CD11 appt. I only had an ultrasound as measuring my estrogen really doesn't tell them anything because I'm taking extra of it. My lining measured at 13 today...so still good on that front. My eggs had grown a little, mostly 16's or so though. That means one more night of meds and back tomorrow for another ultrasound. Hopefully I will trigger tomorrow night and have retrieval on Saturday....yes this is bad news for Tony's golf outing but we are hoping for an early time so he doesn't miss too much of it:)
As for the going rogue part....during my December cycle they added an antibiotic to my protocol. It is something that I have seen other centers do on their protocols, but it wasn't done at mine. I guess since we are on a steroid we are more prone to catching infections...so they give an antibiotic to just be cautious of that fact. Well I was a little worried last cycle because lets just say that I am a little "sensitive" when it comes to taking antibiotics. In fact, I have a long standing prescription for diflucan from my OB/GYN because of it. I told them this last cycle and they told me to go ahead and take it...and low and behold I got a yeast infection! And the worst thing was that I couldn't take ANYTHING for it because of my cycle. So, it is on my protocol this time too....and I'm not taking it! Not doing that again...it was a miserable couple of weeks, let me tell ya! So, I'm going rogue:)
As for the going rogue part....during my December cycle they added an antibiotic to my protocol. It is something that I have seen other centers do on their protocols, but it wasn't done at mine. I guess since we are on a steroid we are more prone to catching infections...so they give an antibiotic to just be cautious of that fact. Well I was a little worried last cycle because lets just say that I am a little "sensitive" when it comes to taking antibiotics. In fact, I have a long standing prescription for diflucan from my OB/GYN because of it. I told them this last cycle and they told me to go ahead and take it...and low and behold I got a yeast infection! And the worst thing was that I couldn't take ANYTHING for it because of my cycle. So, it is on my protocol this time too....and I'm not taking it! Not doing that again...it was a miserable couple of weeks, let me tell ya! So, I'm going rogue:)
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