I have been absent from the blog for a while. I could give a lot of reasons as to why, but really I just haven't really felt like posting. Yes things have been busy: work, grad school, being a mom and a wife, but mostly I have had a post swimming around in my head for the past several months and I just wasn't sure that I wanted to write it. Mostly, I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by what I wanted to say so I've just delayed putting anything down on "paper". I've decided to go ahead with my post....and please remember that these are my feelings and that I don't intend to hurt anyone else with them.
I remember when I found out that we were not going to be able to give Owen a sibling that I went through a little grieving process but then moved on with my life. I knew things wouldn't be different, so why should I sit around and wallow in that fact. One of my IVF friends (who also was only going to be able to have 1 baby) told me that she herself felt the same way, but when her friends started having 2nd babies it got a little tough. That is where I am right now. Literally for the past year I have been surrounded by pregnant people...our friends, coworkers....it seemed like everyone was having a baby. While the majority were first babies, we had a few friends get pregnant with 2nd babies. This was a little harder on me than I would like to admit. Yes I was excited for them, but it hit a little closer to home that Owen would be an only child. It only made me feel worse when he would talk about playing with his "friends" or asking if they could come over to play. I know that he has to get lonely at times being there by himself and when I see him with other kids and how excited he gets, it makes me (and Tony) a little sad that he won't have anyone else around at home to play with or talk to except us. We've tried to get him involved in other activities with kids, which has helped me feel better, but I still feel like I have failed him in this aspect. Oh and my IVF friend who I mentioned earlier in the paragraph...she just had her 2nd baby! Again, I don't feel animosity towards any one of these people and I am grateful that no one has to go through what I've had to go through...but I have to admit that when others had 2nd babies, it was a little harder than I expected.
Well, there it is...hopefully I can move on and blog about other things now:)
