Ok, so I was back on BCP's until the next cycle--which wasn't until mid-April. It seemed like such a long time away. I continued to keep in contact with one person who I had met during the cycle. I guess I kind of continued in the cycle through her. It was also very exciting when she learned that IVF had worked for her on the first try--I just kept thinking that it could have been me. I was very happy for her and we have kept in contact ever since!
So, onto April with me. I stayed on the active BCP's until it was time for the cycle, about 6 weeks worth of time. Tony didn't mind it either:) I again began the suppression medicine (Lupron) and the steroid (dex). When it was time for the baseline appointment, I was very nervous that they would find a cyst again. I was a little more optimistic thought because AF (Aunt Flo) had started, which meant that it was very unlikely that I had a cyst. I got the all clear at the appointment and was ready to begin the next set of medicines!
On the following Monday, I began with my FSH medicine. I was on Follistim, which comes in a really cool pen injector. Tony and I also got to watch a wonderful video (NOT!!) of how to to the injections for this medicine due to the pen injector. This medicine you take at night between 7:00 and 9:00. (Lupron is in the morning) The first night was a little nerve wrecking. Tony came in and watched me do it and we compared with the written directions--it all went smoothly. I let him give it to me the second night. On the 3rd evening, I had to add my LH medicine, which was Menopur. This medicine comes in two separate vials, one liquid and one powder, and you have to mix it before injecting it. So Tony came in again and watched and helped me through the mixing process--again, all went smoothly. We continued with both injections until I had my CD9 appointment on Monday.
On CD9, it was determined that I should take two more nights of shots and then come back Wednesday for another appointment. On Wednesday, they decided that I would be ready for ER on Friday. We did the HCG shot on Thursday about 9:00 (hard to remember that far back!!). That injection is an intra-muscular shot that he has to give me in my upper arm (where you get most tetanus shots). My arm was sore for a couple of days! At ER I had no problems with anesthesia and everything went fine. When they called with the report they had retrieved 12 eggs, only 7 were mature and 5 fertilized. I was a little disappointed with the numbers. I thought I would have tons of eggs and millions to choose from since I was so young. To be honest, my hopes weren't too high from that point on.
I had a 3-day transfer on Monday. The doctor wanted to put back 3, but Tony and I were very nervous about that and only opted for 2. Transfer went fine, although it was very uncomfortable with the full-bladder! I did my bed rest and then went back to work on Wednesday. I was going to be finding out the next Thursday whether or not it had worked. The worst thing about it being that day was that I had to go to Chicago all day for work! I asked the nurse to please leave the results on my home answering machine and Tony and I would listen when I got home later that evening.
When I got home, Tony had been packing all day because he was leaving for a biking trip over the weekend with friends. He said that the blinking light on the machine had been taunting him all evening. We pushed play and obviously didn't get good news. He was so wonderful to me, holding me while we both cried and then leaving me be when I needed some time by myself to deal. I remember he called the family that had known about the process--way beyond his call of duty at that time. It was very hard to hear that it hadn't worked--I had always been good at everything in my life, but obviously this wasn't going to be one of them.
It definitely sucked! and still does as I am teary-eyed recalling that feeling of defeat. I had a hard time at work the next day and actually bowed out of a group meeting and just went to our office. Only one of my co-workers was there and she was wonderful as I broke down in tears several times that morning. It was nice being home by myself that weekend to be able process through by myself--I didn't even answer the phone when it rang. We would definitely be trying again, but not until after the summer time--which is so busy for me at work. Plus I had a consult to set up with the doctor, but I just had to have the strength to pick up the phone and make that call.